Are you an Asset or a Breastet?

by Vunderkind


“I’m an ass man” – some random dude

“I’m a boob dude” – another random dude in a separate event.

“I love little children” – Some dude, shortly before being flayed alive.

breastets

Don’t Stare Too Hard – Those are Man-boobs

What’s your flavor? What makes you drool? When a girl strolls by, do you lag behind to scope the booty, or hurry ahead to pose and glimpse the jugs? Very important question!

The bro-code has a segment – can’t remember where right now – which defines bros according to their preference for these prize assets – or breastets, as d case often is.

There are the mammodudes. These are guys that can’t look a gurl in the eyes. It’s for these kind of guys that words like “hey, my eyes are up here!” spoken by gals have become immortalized.

THE (HIGHLY UNLIKELY) STORY

Here’s a little story. In the Constantine era (whenever that was), something happened.

A mother gave birth to a half-human, half cow and was banished from egypt. She then had to live with her creepy little bastard child in the willows south of some irrelevant part of the ancient map. The mother so loathed the child, scholars say she kept shrieking the words “Alekvosto pariepuis kiskis svenka Segun Arinze!”, which is roughly transcribed to mean “who would have guessed that f**king that studly bull would get me pregnant? now, I’m stuck with this…this…Segun Arinze!”.

**interrupted by Segun Arinze protesting that he hadn’t even been born in that era**

**resolved by convincing Segun Arinze that a prophetess predicted his birth years ago to the Egyptians**

Ahem. Now that we’ve cleared that one out…back to the story. Well, this our egyptian broad so loathed her cowkid so much that she witheld her large juicy bosoms from him, and instead fed him blended grass mixed with sugar (don’t ask how she got hold of a blender. Who’s telling the story, you or me?).

Cowkid grew (afterall, cows eat grass), but deep down, he knew something was missing. Then one day, while munching on some sweet

You are an Ass-et to your generation

You are an Ass-et to your generation

elephant grass, he saw…a woman bathing…naked. Instinctively, he knew those jugs held what he desired. He drooled for hours afterwards.

One night, he couldn’t bear it and crept into the woman’s room, bound her to the ‘bed’ (or whatever it is they used to sleep in those days), gagged her and proceeded to suck her breasts until she died from dehydration.

Oh, well, guess I dashed your hopes if you were expecting a “happily ever after story”. Well, cowkid finally managed to get a girl he couldn’t suck dry (man, she had some large ones!) And together, they became ancestors of today’s generation of breast-loving men.

Ah, ancient history. Gotta love it. Well, that’s it. Breast lovers come from the creepy cowkid. The ass lovers are the real, unpolluted and untainted human beings. After all, asses are shit disposers and humanity is sooo full of shit.

(C) Maestro Vunderkind

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