You know that crazy moment when you’re eating rice at Chicken Republic and you suddenly find pubic hair in the chicken? It’s the most indirect (and I daresay, least gay) way to get your lips very close to someone’s genitals. It’s one of the most terrible things to happen to anyone in life, and it totally kills the eating mood.
Okay, maybe not, if you are a fat booger to start with. I just dey talk my own, as a matter of fact. You know that moment when you borrow your friend’s iPod, and you’re jamming to some sweet groove and, suddenly, without warning, it switches over to Tonto Dike’s song? It usually feels like someone poured hot wax in your ears and attempted to scrape it with razor blades.
In a nutshell, it totally ruins the music appetite. It might take years to recover from her “aural” assaults.
Why am I babbling here? Well, surprise, surprise! Our drama queen (and I say this with respect since she is, afterall, an actress) just made an announcement: she’s not just singing for the heck of it; she plans to make it a full-time career!
And guess why she says she wants to continue singing? She says, and I quote morosely: I really wanna take music far because I know y’all are going to listen…
Did you get that? Tonto Dike is Singing Because of us!
Aww, sweetie, you shouldn’t have. Really You shouldn’t.
Maybe this is what the mayans predicted? Our auto-tune songstress is bent on killing us all.