My Thoughts on the Covenant University Expulsion of 200

by Vunderkind

I swear I nearly died laughing. Jeez, mehn! Wtf? Like, what the actual f mehn?

Pardon my phoné. I’m just trying to impress the yanks I hope are reading my blog (hehehehe). Now, to the matter on ground. By now, y’all heard about what happened in Covenant University, right? If you haven’t, see one of our ushers for your LASTMA jacket.

200 students. Expelled for not attending service (some for smoking, but who cares? The “not attending service” story is more sensational). Last I read, the students were so pissed they went on national television to beg that the chancellor (Le Slapper, the great Bishop Oyeds himself) tamper justice with mercy.

Wait. What?

Let’s recap again.

They were expelled for not attending the departure service.

They got mad. Verrrrrrry angrrrrry.

So angry, infact, that they went on air to beg for mercy.


Some gods must be really tampering with their scrotal sacs, their adrenalin and testosterone. I’m not one to brag (I am actually; I’m just being modest) but this sorta thing cannot happen in my school, the great Uniben.

You see, out of those 200 students, there’d be at least 80 who would have already “booked” for spill-over years (and maybe splash-over years sef). Expelling them would only serve as an incentive for them to do what had only been a random thought in their heads.

Every right-thinking Uniben student knows I’m talking about. Yup, CRPU (that’s Central Records and Processing Unit, what CTU is to Jack Bauer) would be mysteriously razed the next day. It’s true. Now, I wouldn’t ordinarily be part of the arsonists committee, but they’d have my blessings.

Like seriously? I’d come home and tell my parents that I got expelled because I didn’t attend service? My parents would be disappointed. At least e for better say na because I join cult.

Greatest Covenant Students! Aluta Continua (or the lack of Aluta Continua)!!