Okay…breathe in and out. Act normal.
This is an edit to my initial post. I had to make a few amends after two more awesome peeps nominated me. Such is lieb. Haha.
Pshaw. So much for acting normal.
Well, When DankarO ShintO left me the little comment telling me I had been nominated for the Liebster’s award, I was like “yea right…punkin’ me on my own blog. That ain’t slick, niggah. That ain’t slick.”
(Un)fortunately, he wasn’t pranking me. I was actually nominated for a Liebster award. Since it is swell to be happy and proud at being nominated for anything, I had a pretty huge grin on my face.
Then I consulted my grand-uncle Google to find the true meaning of Liebster.
Well, here’s some research material for you people: Liebster is the German word for “dearest”.
I admit, I teared up a little after reading this definition. Somebody considered me (or my blog, but who cares?) a ‘dear’, no, ‘dearest’.
Funny thing is, my whole blogging life flashed before my eyes when I got this nomination. I thought of those days when I lounged and thought ‘fuck it, I’m not uploading that blog anymore. Nobody reads that shit.” I remembered those times when I was supposed to do something interesting on the blog, and just forgot about it.
What am I saying, I’ve been a really, really, bad person who doesn’t deserve this nomination.
**Sniff sniff blows nose**
But, hey, thanks!
So, the Liebster award, derived from the German word liebe, stands for Love. It is an unofficial award (so don’t expect me to present a plaque as proof of “awardship”) for that sweet, beautiful circle of bloggers with less than 200 followers statistically, but with gazillions of sweet stuff on their blogs.
Now, this is gonna be a little difficult for me, because DankarO ShintO of NaijaDude kinda shares almost the same blogging inner circle as mine, so I may be giving awards to people who had already received them. I may be breaking the rules of the Liebster Award panel (which doesn’t actually exist, I checked), but hey, it means y’all are doubly loved.
Also, I may be giving this award to some people who have more than 200 followers. OMG-OMG I’m breaking all the rules I hope I don’t have bad luck I hope I don’t die in 7 days I just hope dear God Please –
Sigh. I’m over-thinking all these things, am I not?
This award has requirements and specifications. First I have to thank the “awarder” of the award. So, here goes.
**Mounts podium in corduroy pants (whatever they are)**
“Gentlemen. Ladies. I would like to weepingly appreciate The CEO of NaijaDude enterprises, the person behind the tweets from volturi_Lord, the black boi DankarO ShintO. Also, I would like to acknowledge my non-human friend (how cool is that? I get an alien! I feel Ben Ten-y!), @TheBluePaet. He has shown me liebe, and given me the opportunity to show liebe in return to others. Finally, to the pencil himself @MoviePencil….Oh, what joy that fills my soul!
(And the crowd shall say: something, happened, to me, and I know….)
Thank you, DankarO. Thank you!!!”
Okay. Requirement number two: I am supposed to list 11 random facts about me. So, off the top of my head, here goes:
11 Random Facts about the Vunderkind:
Fact Number One
I am well into my 20’s and I haven’t yet grown a strand of facial hair. Sad times, my brethren. Very sad times. You will see just how sad this is for me when you understand that all my childhood, I could hardly wait to have my own bad-ass Sherlock Holmes beards. Now, bearbear don desert me.
Fact Number Two
I am a sapiosexual. Admittedly, I didn’t even know what sapiosexual meant until recently when I was having a discussion with @Scatty_Poet. She set me straight on the path of sapiosexuality, and now I can testify! Plays thy Lord!
Yep. True Story. I am neither a breast nor an ass dude. While I am a sucker for legs, I prefer brains the most. It’s beauty over brains.
As @Scatty_Poet and I mutually agreed, “we harvest people for their brains.”
Ew. Gross. We’re zombies.
Fact Number Three
When walking down the road, I usually feel like stretching my legs at oncoming vehicles and tripping them up. Honest to God.
Fact Number Four
I am a romantic. I’m romantic to a fault. It’s not a good thing, I tell you. I have been able to cover it up with my brash exterior though.
Fact Number Five:
My birthday is on the 10th of March. Oh, good. Now you guys go into the other room and deliberate on what you’ll like to get me on that special day. Go on. I promise to act surprised when you give me the gift.
Fact Number Six:
I love expressive people. Well, not people generally, more like girls specifically. I don’t mean dirty. Heck, girls who chat dirty are a huge turn off. But expressive? Yeah. If you’re expressive, you know what I mean.
Fact Number Seven:
I am melancholic by temperament. What does it mean? Whenever I do anything remotely awesome, I am penalized by the gods by a period of great depression. True story. When I came out best in my LGA in the common entrance then, I had suicidal thoughts.
Luckily, that time is past now. No, I don’t need a strait jacket. I do brood from time to time every now and then, though.
Fact Number Eight:
I am already running out of facts about me. That is a fact, right?
Fact Number Nine:
The part of my body females are fascinated with the most is my….no, it’s not what you think. Females actually dig my fingers and my fingernails. You see, my fingers are slender and taper at the end. Pretty sleek. It has made it easy to take to typing and playing the piano pretty easily. Also, I have these super-cute fingernails that are lusty white at the tip. I hear women actually PAY to have their nails done like mine. Hehehehe.
Fact Number Ten:
I have a plan to retire from active work before the age of 40. What do you think, huh?
Fact Number Eleven:
Everything I’ve been saying so far has been leading up to this: I am a VERY single individual. Just thought you should know. Ladies can e-mail me. I’m here 😀
Okay…checkity checked off my list. Next requirement: Answer the questions DankarO asked in the nominations. Phew. This is going to be one long blog post. Okay. Leggo.
Question 1: If you could only rescue one parent from a burning house which would you save, and why?
But why? They came together to create me. I’m not saving one in favor of the other. I take ’em both, or we all burn together mehn…
Question 2: How do spend your free time?
Haha. If only people said the truth…I spend my free time reading. Yes. I definitely spend it reading.
Question 3: What is your greatest achievement so far?
I’ll say it was gaining financial independence. In 100L first semester. University of Benin. ^^
Question 4: If you were appointed President of your country, what would be your first act?
Question 5: If you have to choose between dying by poisoning or suffocation, which will you prefer?
Both are painful ways to die, but I’ll still take poisoning. My rationalization may seem foolish but with poison, I don’t have to struggle. I’ll just scrunch up in a ball and die. With suffocation, I’ll keep clawing, scratching, feeling my chest build up, feel blood rush to my ears, watch myself turn blue/purple…damn. No.
Question 6: If you had just a wish, answer guaranteed what would you wish for?
Might seem shallow, but I’ll wish for cash. Loads of that stuff. God, that’s why I go to work mehn…
Question 7: Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings (state reasons please)
Harry Potter. Reason? I read Harry Potter and watched it. Tried reading the LOTR book by J.R.R. Tolkien> It was boring as hell. I never watched the movie.
Question 8: What are the best five words that would describe you?
Witty. Smart. Perverted (unfortunately). Business-oriented. Resourceful
Question 9: Which of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S character would date if you have the opportunity?
The Jennifer Aniston girl. Because…she’s Jennifer Aniston!
Question 10: How did you get interested in writing?
Simple: My Vunderkind mascot says it all: I was born with a pencil in my mouth. LOL. Seriously though, I had no other after-school pastime. My mom always locked us in, you see. The only fun she allowed me have was writing (and occasionally beating the shit out of my younger bro)
Question 11: If you could start all over in life, would you change anything?
There is no way to answer this question without appearing ungrateful to God, so no. 😀
Done! Let’s see…what’s next? Ah, yes. People I wish to Nominate for the Liebster Awards. Well, here are the people who still make reading worth it. They are all Nigerians, but they write with the universal spirit of writers (I may also have a crush on the female ones, but that’s in unrelated events)
As @dami_maverick would say, Toinks for finally replying!! ^_^.
I shall now
pretend attempt to answer your questions:
1. What was the first sexual scene you saw in a movie? Please state movie, and age when you saw it. NO PORN ALLOWED!!!
A: I think that would be The Devil’s Advocate. It really wouldn’t have registered as ‘sexual’, had my father not told me to ‘flee’ into the other room. Years later, I watched it in the comfort of my own home, and was like “WTF? This is not even sexual” (But then again, I don spoil). Thinking back, it was either Devil’s Advocate or Eyes Wide Shut (iForget).
2. Non-Drinker/ Occasional Drinker/ Alcoholic? Which are you?
I drank once. And woke up the next day with absolutely no memory whatsoever of the previous day and a very incriminating video documenting my randy activities in a party. So, no. I don’t drink. Recently, to my utmost annoyance, I discovered that I get high off Smirnoff Ice. So it’s malt for me friends *weeps bitterly*
3.What is your biggest motivation for watching a movie? E.g Cast, Director, Producer, Box Office etc
For me it is the title. V for Vendetta has a special place in my heart, and so does Sherlock Holmes. I’m not that of a Big Screen person sha.
4. Are you a Christian?
Subhan allah!!!!! Yes, I am a Christian (straight face)
5. If yes to ‘d’ above, why did you choose the faith? If No, why not?
To paraphrase XO Senavoe “I didn’t claim the faith, the faith claimed me”. I think maybe if I was born muslim, I’ll probably be glad there as well. *shrugs* Sue me.
6. Movies/Series/Music? Which is your favourite of the 3? And What is your favourite of each?
I’ll say “Series”, and being a big comedy fan, it;” be “Two and a Half Men”. Which brings up the question: when are you gonna review that series, boss?
My favorite movie? V for Vendetta. The ‘valliterations’ (cute word I formed for the part where V was making alliterations with the letter ‘v’) always kills me.
7. What is your take on the stupendous increase in Homosexuality in the Media/Entertainment today?
As Buddha said, when there is a bottleneck and society becomes warped, such things happen. There’s too much abnormal focus and sugar-coating of sex that more and more people are becoming gay. All-boys schools, Sharia-sitting in church, parents ‘shying’ to tell their kiddies about the ‘birds and bees’ or where babies come from, pastors screaming ‘flee fornication’ and frowning on innocent gestures such as boys holding girls’ hands have only made a bad situation worse. God is not pleased.
8. Have you ever watched a Nigerian film in the cinemas? Which 1?
I’ve never even been to the cinemas *tugs out hanky, blows nose*
9. If yes to the question above, would you like to see more? If No, would you like to see one sometime?
I think I would like to watch Irapada. Old film, I know, but I remember aching to see it back then….*side eye*
10. What do you think of my copyright phrase, ‘Movies mimic Reality……. and reality in turn mimics movies’
I think I’ve heard it somewhere before. I May be wrong though. I’m wrong sometimes, yha know? LOL. But it’s apt!
As Jesus cried, “It is finished!” Thanks for being a ‘lieb’ and honoring our awards!
ON TO SHELDON (BObSicle, TEOP, ACHI_VA)….sigh:
– What do you really think about global warming?
A: I think Karma is finally doing us one over for the Dinosaurs. (But we didn’t kill the dinosaurs…or did we? Wait. lemme consult…hang on)
– What inspires you?
2. Rap, and finally
3. Every. single. Blog. I have ever commented on. (let’s all cry here)
– Beans is the best food in the world right?
Sigh. I would have loved to say yes, but my oga at the top (pounded yam and egusi) may say another thing…
– How do you really think man invented fire?
Forget all those talk about Prometheus and all that Greek mythology stuff about stealing fire from the gods. I think fire may have been discovered when one caveman was eating his meat (raw, of course), and another came in, all soothy, chewing on ‘roast venison’. The conversation, dug up from the trenches of Kenya (where civilization started, no? LOL) went thus:
Caveman 1: Ooog?
Caveman 2: Ooog og ooog.
Caveman 1: oogog.
Caveman 2: Oooogoog og moog!
Translated by our modern day swagged out machinery? it goes:
Caveman 1: Hey, patrick? WTF happened to you?
Caveman 2: Beats me, Fred. I went hunting for those things with pointy spikes (deers to you modern peeps, f**k you) and suddenly there was this yellow, hot thing. I wanted to eat it, but…(shows black hands)
Caveman 1: Lies! Do you think the illuminati may be responsible.
Caveman 2: Dude. The illuminati isn’t supposed to be invented now, man.
In essence, the first fire was probably a forest fire.
– Do you believe in God?
I do. I don’t want to be foolish. The bible calls atheists fools, shebi you know?
– Name one thing you cannot live without?
Oxygen. haha. No, seriously. I tried living without it one time. For a record total of 23 seconds. *wheezes* Never again.
– What do you really think about me?
I think I may be crushing on you a little (^_^)…amma wait until they legalize gays in Nigeria. Alternatively, we could go someplace more…’tolerant’, eh? Waddayasay, you hot Paet, you?? ROTFLMAO
– How tall are you?
As at last measurement? 6 ft 2. And I’m still growing. Ladies, please forward ur CVs through @TheBluePaet
– Who are you?
(blinks, squints) I’m the Vunderkind. I am a.g(r)eek, and also a Maestro. One time, I used to be called a Maverick. Thank God I lost that monicker before I met @Dami_Maverick. Would have been really awkward.
Did I mention gay?
– Why do you write?
I write because I think people read what I write. Please, please, leave me in that delusion abeg! Don’t tell me otherwise!
– Do you think DSTV rips us off in Nigeria?
LOL! I don’t watch DSTv (straight face, eats grass and cracks coconut)
My Liebster Award Nominees:
My 11 Questions for the Nominees
- Would you consider yourself as secretly psychotic?
- If empires are ruled by emperors and kingdoms are ruled by kings, do you think countries are ruled by cunts? Cite an example
- Are you comfortable with your current sex/gender? Why?
- Have you ever smoked?
- Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Which celebrity was that?
- What is the most spectacular book you’ve ever read, and who was the author.
- Can you beat the sh#t out of kids you aren’t related to?
- What were you doing before reading this blog post?
- What do you think of the concept/institution of marriage?
- Do you believe in gender equality?
- Are you a narcissist? Give reasons for your answer.
Okay. Done. So, I need to go notify the nominees. Take care. Much love from me, homies…