That Obrigado Moment When The Big Blog Theory Ends…


Narrator One: And so it was, that the goo was rank, bubbling malevolently, spewing little air-pockets of oppressive fumes into the already dour atmosphere. Underneath roiled pieces of flesh, disturbed, but beyond the stage of being perturbed. The metal scraped against the underside, a long-drawn, muffled grind that set the teeth on edge. The goo, which once stretched in pride, extending its elasticity in all horizons now dripped in gobs from the metal receptacle. The pieces of flesh roiled underneath.

Narrator Two: In other words, the okro soup e don spoil.

Narrator One: That is one way of putting it. (>_>)

Narrator Two: That is the non-drama queen way of doing it. You bloody writers. I don’ have time for all this.

[Camera centres on stage to reveal Vunderkind (Narrator One) and UluthriX (Narrator Two)]

Vunderkind: Eyin Writers fun Big Blog Theory!

UluthriX: O ye writers for the Big Blog Theory!

Vunderkind: Mo fe so wipe ese!

UluthriX: I just want to say thank you!

Vunderkind: Lai si n yin, lai si n mi!

UluthriX: (<_<) Is that the correct way to say it?

Vunderkind: Uh…I think so. I’m not sure.

UluthriX: I have an idea. It might shock you – very wild and radical idea.

Vunderkind: O..kay. Shoot.

UluthriX: How about this: How about if we DON’T do this thank you speech in a language you barely understand?

Vunderkind: Wow. Genius. I like the way you think.

sarcasmo

UluthriX: **sniff** I amaze myself.

good news

Vunderkind: Okay. Let’s do this.

[Vunderkind walks towards the podium, arranges speech on the lectern, and clears throat]

Vunderkind: Veni. Vidi. Vici. We came (some of us, quite literally), we saw and we conquered. And it was every one of you who made it possible. I would cry, but that would make me an emotional prick who probably loves Elton John.

eltonbreastfeeding
What did he just say about me?

There are three sets of heroes in this Challenge, and it would be very sad of me not to mention them. These people are the people who made the big blog challenge, well, big.

The first set of people is the writers themselves. When I came up the ‘famzing’ letter to ask for your hands in marriage contribution to the Challenge, many of you were unsure about your ability to do something for the Sci-Fi/fiction genre. But amazingly, you did not turn me down either. You wrote. I don’t know how to explain this, but every post I received was an emotional moment for me.

All these wonderful people. Writing. For me.

UluthriX: Okay…get a grip. We are trying to convince people that you don’t listen to Elton John here.

calmdownbro

Vunderkind: I am sorry. I can’t even make a joke here. You guys did me a great honor. I hope I can repay it.

The second set of people is the people that commented. Ah, God. God knows how I felt when people kept coming in, day after day, to leave comments on the various writers. I appreciate you all a lot. I am sure the writers appreciate you even more. It is one thing to write. It is another to actually be read. Thanks for reading, and leaving your comments.

The third. The ones that shared. I spent a full month spamming timelines, and yet you guys never minded. Dutifully and cheerfully, you retweeted. I had specific instances when people told their friends directly: “Have you heard about The Big Blog Theory? Oya, take link.” Epic moments. I am thankful. Really.

I am going to say something extra, briefly. The mission of the Big Blog Theory was to challenge the writers (as I wrote in the letters) to think like they had never thought before.

UluthriX: You mean, like in Star Trek, where they boldly go where no man has ever gone before?

Vunderkind: Shut up.

UluthriX: Aii bro.

Vunderkind: The idea was to get bigger-than-life stories fueled by unrestricted imagination, pure talent and sheer excellent penmanship. I can safely say that even I was blown away by what happened on my blog this past month.

I love you guys.

UluthriX: Careful bro. Your dildo is showing.

Vunderkind: (<_<)

UluthriX: I. Am. Now. Shutting. Up.

Vunderkind: I almost hate to see the Big Blog Theory end.

UluthriX: Almost.

Vunderkind: Almost.

UluthriX: Mos’ def.

Vunderkind: So, let us count our achievements! The blog has crossed the 1,000-follower mark. We started with 3,000+ views, and how we’re here – 8k+ page views.

More importantly, I made a lot of friends and my WhatsApp contacts grew ^_^

UluthriX: I got myself a few Twitter friends. But they were all guys. Guys. The lot of them. **sigh**

Vunderkind: I hope it was as much fun for you guys as it was for me. I hope you made friends. I hope you followed each other. Look how far we’ve come –

UluthriX: No. Don’t –

Vunderkind: Don’t what?

UluthriX: **sigh of relief**I thought you wanted to begin singing Shania Twain’s “Still the One”.

Vunderkind: S(-_- ) M(-_-) H( -_-) So. Thanks guys. One love ma pipo. If we are done returning all the aliens, mutants, monsters, dragons, witches, goblins, princesses and uncles, androids, Satyris, time machines, magic spells, Greek mythological characters and bio-engineered weapons of mass destruction to the cupboard, I say thank you friends.

Until I come your way again…

UluthriX: 😀

Vunderkind: (<_<) Hian. Why is this one smiling?

UluthriX: You said until you ‘come’ their way again…

Very Sexual
Very Sexual

Vunderkind: Good morning friends!

************************

E P I L O G U E

Alien: Greetings, earthlings! Take me to your leader…oh. He’s still Goodluck Jonathan. Oooh. Ew. Here’s my phone number. Call me when he’s outta office. We’ll come share our cool technology with you guys then.

E N D.

applause

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68 thoughts on “That Obrigado Moment When The Big Blog Theory Ends…

  1. It was indeed a ‘period’…no menses please. I don’t mean that. Unfortunately, I participated on twitter much later. I really hope there’s a second chance.*wipes tears*

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  2. *sniff*..I don’t know about you but..but..I’m emotional here. You see, I always liked Elton John, not sure of any of his songs, but I tell you, that was a brave man.
    I respect you for liking him Justin. I respect you. You’re bold.
    Thank you.

    Like

  3. Err…..I know I’m gon regret this buh…. I think the Big Blog Theory was a brilliant idea.. Maybe u could do it annually, bi-annually, or every quarter of a year…. Smart one, Gobs!

    Like

  4. To be serious though, thank You bro. It was nice writing here..

    The writers were..are..absolutely brilliant, and the readers, wow..haven’t enjoyed a challenge this much in..idk..
    Arigatou.

    Like

    1. Since you are serious, lemme be serious too.

      Bruv, I must appreciate you for your post. The Osaretin tale. The Obama speech. It was awesome. I thank you for writing for me. You dunno how this feels. I am bursting with emoti –

      HAHAHA. Sorry. I had to stop here.

      Like

  5. When I was asked to write, I was taken aback for no reason. I knew it was going to be a challenge indeed and I wasn’t disappointed with every writer. I wish we would do this regularly.

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  6. *sniff sniff* So emotional… But you sef, Justin! To come and give somebody that kind of work… But I really had fun writing and even more fun reading, you know some really good writers, sha. Hats off (to the writers, not to you). So, yes, you should consider doing it again sometime, u should. And thanks for the opportunity.

    Like

  7. A wonderful period of epic…beautiful…creative write-ups, sadly no more hot cake articles waiting for me every evening. To the writers and that farmer, bless you all.

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  8. I. Have. Real. Tears. :’ )
    This was beautiful. Really beautiful. I hate to see it end. You have no idea the extent to which you challenged me by pulling this off.
    God bless you, Justin Irabor. You are great. 🙂

    Like

    1. Boss…
      Idk what to say mahn. You were more than amazing for me throughout this month, and even before then. That’s kinship right there.

      You think I’m great? Great minds think alike. And I think you’re one of the best people I ever followed.

      Like

  9. Looool… I started reading quite late but ’twas fun all the way. And I was kinda sad I did not get to write for the ‘theory’. Either ways, ’twas fun and i hope to participate In the next one! Which should be ‘the extremist blog code’

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      1. I’ll drink to that. Shit. I can’t find my palmwine calabash. Where’s the damn thing? Mama Nkechi…

        Like

  10. **sighs**..I don’t see an end..just a new beginning for a lotta pple who have shown incredible talent these past 30 days.. pleased I am one of them..
    I didn’t make any new friends…beht,again,I rarely get friends*giggles*..the BBT helped make ma June tho.
    Cheers to y’all.

    Like

  11. Lol. Justin, thank you for the opportunity, You achieved your aim by getting me to think outside the box plus I wrote a story, which I hate doing on any normal day. Thanks a lot for this :). God bless you

    Like

    1. Vani Van! \O/ So many things I want to say, but… (>_>) your crushes may mark me and track me down a desolate alley. So, amma be brief.

      Thanks for everything, babe. I lo….oh, look at the time!

      Like

  12. Wow………….. thirty fantastic stories gone by……. vunderkind is a great writer, but i think his real talent is inspiring (and pushing the heck out of) other writers. fantastic idea, beautiful turn out, i feel blessed to have been a part of this.

    Like

    1. I feel blessed to have had you write here, miss. And right now, I am feeling extra-blessed looking at ur gravatar. I should see those legs up close and personal one day 😀

      Seriously, though. Thanks! Thanks! I cannot say it enough, so…thanks!

      Like

  13. Niccuh! You. The. Boss!

    Since you’ve made me agree to restrict my famzing to Whatsapp here’s the things I’m gonna miss about The big Blog theory.

    1). My inferiority fuelled frantic attempt to write something readable….. Good times.

    2). Like clockwork your email notification dey wake me up to read every night.

    3). The fact that you had to be nice to everybody. I could actually see you compressing that “other side” of you into the suitcase you crammed it in.

    4). The amount of raw talents I could saw here was just awesome!! Both the ones I commented on, the ones I was too sleepy to read and the ones that I read half way, jumped to the end to comment “Awesome” and continue reading. The future of Nigerian literature. Crazy lot.

    And finally I hope when I hit this amazing writers up from my blog challenge I’ll get this kinda response. No doubt about it, I’m ready to pucker up and do so near-sphincter lip graze.

    Cheers mate…. You go sleep well this night.

    Like

  14. See this boys oh. Who do you plan putting in tears here over the end of The Big Blog Theory… Peace off… Waiting for Part 2

    Like

  15. I enjoyed coming here daily. All the stories were wonderful. The poem were as poetic as ever (i don’t even know what that means) and the comments were fantastic. Vunderkind is one helluva guy tho. It’s a pleasure knowing him and featuring on his blog. I hope to appear here in subsequent days too. Bravo bro!

    Like

    1. It’s a pleasur knowing you too sir. >_> Not ‘knowing’, Adam and Eve style. Just knowing, you know, like the knowledge of someone. Nothing inappropriate and stuff. I don’t enlarge your avi at night or anything. Truth.

      (>_>)

      Thanks for writing for me boss. Eternally indebted, I am.

      Like

  16. What did you do with the original speech we planned? There were better jokes there, guy. This one just makes me look anti-gay. Which I am, but still.

    It was awesome doing this with your crew. Love you all. Ladies, please follow me on Twitter na

    Like

  17. Thank you for letting me write!!! God Bless You. I didn’t read every post because of exams but the ones I read were awesome. Thank You Again. Lol.

    Like

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