Narrator One: And so it was, that the goo was rank, bubbling malevolently, spewing little air-pockets of oppressive fumes into the already dour atmosphere. Underneath roiled pieces of flesh, disturbed, but beyond the stage of being perturbed. The metal scraped against the underside, a long-drawn, muffled grind that set the teeth on edge. The goo, which once stretched in pride, extending its elasticity in all horizons now dripped in gobs from the metal receptacle. The pieces of flesh roiled underneath.
Narrator Two: In other words, the okro soup e don spoil.
Narrator One: That is one way of putting it. (>_>)
Narrator Two: That is the non-drama queen way of doing it. You bloody writers. I don’ have time for all this.
[Camera centres on stage to reveal Vunderkind (Narrator One) and UluthriX (Narrator Two)]
Vunderkind: Eyin Writers fun Big Blog Theory!
UluthriX: O ye writers for the Big Blog Theory!
Vunderkind: Mo fe so wipe ese!
UluthriX: I just want to say thank you!
Vunderkind: Lai si n yin, lai si n mi!
UluthriX: (<_<) Is that the correct way to say it?
Vunderkind: Uh…I think so. I’m not sure.
UluthriX: I have an idea. It might shock you – very wild and radical idea.
Vunderkind: O..kay. Shoot.
UluthriX: How about this: How about if we DON’T do this thank you speech in a language you barely understand?
Vunderkind: Wow. Genius. I like the way you think.
UluthriX: **sniff** I amaze myself.
Vunderkind: Okay. Let’s do this.
[Vunderkind walks towards the podium, arranges speech on the lectern, and clears throat]
Vunderkind: Veni. Vidi. Vici. We came (some of us, quite literally), we saw and we conquered. And it was every one of you who made it possible. I would cry, but that would make me an emotional prick who probably loves Elton John.
There are three sets of heroes in this Challenge, and it would be very sad of me not to mention them. These people are the people who made the big blog challenge, well, big.
The first set of people is the writers themselves. When I came up the ‘famzing’ letter to ask for your hands in marriage contribution to the Challenge, many of you were unsure about your ability to do something for the Sci-Fi/fiction genre. But amazingly, you did not turn me down either. You wrote. I don’t know how to explain this, but every post I received was an emotional moment for me.
All these wonderful people. Writing. For me.
UluthriX: Okay…get a grip. We are trying to convince people that you don’t listen to Elton John here.
Vunderkind: I am sorry. I can’t even make a joke here. You guys did me a great honor. I hope I can repay it.
The second set of people is the people that commented. Ah, God. God knows how I felt when people kept coming in, day after day, to leave comments on the various writers. I appreciate you all a lot. I am sure the writers appreciate you even more. It is one thing to write. It is another to actually be read. Thanks for reading, and leaving your comments.
The third. The ones that shared. I spent a full month spamming timelines, and yet you guys never minded. Dutifully and cheerfully, you retweeted. I had specific instances when people told their friends directly: “Have you heard about The Big Blog Theory? Oya, take link.” Epic moments. I am thankful. Really.
I am going to say something extra, briefly. The mission of the Big Blog Theory was to challenge the writers (as I wrote in the letters) to think like they had never thought before.
UluthriX: You mean, like in Star Trek, where they boldly go where no man has ever gone before?
Vunderkind: Shut up.
UluthriX: Aii bro.
Vunderkind: The idea was to get bigger-than-life stories fueled by unrestricted imagination, pure talent and sheer excellent penmanship. I can safely say that even I was blown away by what happened on my blog this past month.
I love you guys.
UluthriX: Careful bro. Your dildo is showing.
UluthriX: I. Am. Now. Shutting. Up.
Vunderkind: I almost hate to see the Big Blog Theory end.
UluthriX: Mos’ def.
Vunderkind: So, let us count our achievements! The blog has crossed the 1,000-follower mark. We started with 3,000+ views, and how we’re here – 8k+ page views.
More importantly, I made a lot of friends and my WhatsApp contacts grew ^_^
UluthriX: I got myself a few Twitter friends. But they were all guys. Guys. The lot of them. **sigh**
Vunderkind: I hope it was as much fun for you guys as it was for me. I hope you made friends. I hope you followed each other. Look how far we’ve come –
UluthriX: No. Don’t –
Vunderkind: Don’t what?
UluthriX: **sigh of relief**I thought you wanted to begin singing Shania Twain’s “Still the One”.
Vunderkind: S(-_- ) M(-_-) H( -_-) So. Thanks guys. One love ma pipo. If we are done returning all the aliens, mutants, monsters, dragons, witches, goblins, princesses and uncles, androids, Satyris, time machines, magic spells, Greek mythological characters and bio-engineered weapons of mass destruction to the cupboard, I say thank you friends.
Until I come your way again…
Vunderkind: (<_<) Hian. Why is this one smiling?
UluthriX: You said until you ‘come’ their way again…
Vunderkind: Good morning friends!
E P I L O G U E
Alien: Greetings, earthlings! Take me to your leader…oh. He’s still Goodluck Jonathan. Oooh. Ew. Here’s my phone number. Call me when he’s outta office. We’ll come share our cool technology with you guys then.
E N D.