Vunderkind’s Intro: It’s been a while since I wrote anything here, fam. I apologize. Here’s a little something I wrote on a whim about thirty minutes ago. I hope you like it. UluthriX, my partner in crime, will be handling a lot more of the posts on here, so I would also like to formally introduce him! He has an “about” page too, so you can check it out! He’s good folks!
It’s probably cool to note that this post was inspired by Samsung’s #samsung1000words competition. If you are interested in participating, click here
All the best.
And now for the post.
My name is Justin Irabor.
I pride myself on a lot of things. I pride myself on being able to drink atrociously peppery and hot soup in one gulp without my eyes watering. I pride myself on being able to wear my pants with one hand, while the other hand is shaving my beards. I pride myself on living life on the edge – which is probably not that impressive once you discover my friends have 3G.
Still, it came as more than a shock to wake up this morning to see a Tyrannosaurus Rex blinking at me. You see, I also pride myself in my security measures. All doors were locked. My windows, too, and the burglar alarms were activated. So how had the T. Rex broken in? And the T. Rex wasn’t wearing a ski mask or a balaclava or something. I could ID the T. Rex. Dumb burglar – this would be easy for the police.
I wondered distractedly if he had a gun, but when I looked in his face – he had a wide grin – I could see how he wouldn’t really need the gun. The teeth spoke to me.
“Good morning, Justin,” is what the teeth said. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
I looked around. I wasn’t in my room. I was in a forest. I mean, there were green stuff everywhere and trees and stuff. The sun winked at me. I winked back, not having a choice in the matter.
“Hello…er…sir,” I greeted the T. Rex. My mum taught me politeness. “Where am I?”
“Where you were before you woke up.”
“You mean…this is my street? This is my house?”
“Ah, well, technically yes. Everything is just as it is before you slept, with a little omission.”
“What do you mean? A little omission? Looks like the “omitter” must have large hands. My house has been “omitted”, my car has been “omitted”, even my Xbox!”
“Ah.” The T. Rex attempted to clasp his hands together, realized the impossibility and swung his hands uselessly by his side, hoping I didn’t notice his embarrassment. “Ah. You see. Only one thing has been omitted.”
“What is this little detail that has been omitted in my life? That teensy weensy thing that has made me wake up in a forest?”
“Uhm. Okay. Technology. Yeah. Of course,” I stared blankly.
“Mr. Justin, welcome to a day in your life without technology,” and he grinned in what he probably hoped wasn’t predatory. He failed to inspire mirth.
Backing politely away, I asked, “So…like, no technology?”
“Like…no television? No DsTV?”
“Wow. No internet?”
“Digital music? Videos?”
“Pictures? Games? Cars? Air conditioning? Electricity?”
“No. Nothing. Nothing remotely related to technology.”
“Oh,” I whispered. “Cool, I think.”
Mr. T. Rex smiled. “You are taking this a lot better than most people.”
“Ah, well. I reckon wiping my butt with a leaf isn’t so bad now, is it? Who knows, my butt-hole may even absorb a couple vitamins from the leaf.”
“Is that sarcasm I detect, sir?”
We were quiet for a couple minutes. Then I looked down to see I was wearing my pajamas.
“Aha!” I yelled. “Got you!”
“You say this is a day in my life without technology, eh? Why am I wearing my pajamas then? They are made from the finest of cotton, weaved from – “
“Oh. Damn. My bad,” Mr. T Rex. reached behind him and produced a remote control and clicked it in my direction and zap, my clothes were gone.
“Indeed you are, sir.”
“Don’t I get a leaf suit or something?”
“Ah. Sorry,” he said and clicked the button again.
In retrospect, I should have just shut my mouth. The leaf suit itched like hell.
I decided not to mention the irony in using a remote control to get rid of my last shreds of technology.
“How long am I going to stay without technology, sir?” I asked.
“A day, as I have said earlier.”
“So what do I do for fun until then?”
“I dunno. Eat cattle?”
“Uhm. You are a dinosaur. I am human. My jaws are quite notorious for being incompatible with eating whole cattle.”
“Thanks. I think I’ll swing from tree to tree for fun until day is done.”
“You watched the movie?”
“Yes. Too much film trick.”
“What I mean is, if you try to swing from tree to tree here, you will snap your neck.”
“And you will die.”
“Like. Dead. Great Beyond and stuff.”
“Okay. Just making sure you get the idea.”
We sat on a log close to a sleepy river, and the T. Rex kept trying to crack his knuckles. I would have laughed but something told me the T. Rex hadn’t had sautéed human in a while.
“It just occurred to me,” I began again, “that if I don’t have my phone, then I don’t have access to my mobile videos.”
“You are pretty smart, sir.”
“Is that sarcasm?”
“Absolutely not, sir.”
“So I can’t watch cat videos on YouTube throughout today?”
“Calm down sir.”
I was trembling all over. This horror has to end. Yet…I wondered…no, it cannot be…
“How about my thousands of twerk videos?”
I looked up to see that Mr. T. Rex had tears in his eyes. “The twerk videos, sir…you cannot watch them until the day is up…I am so so so sorry…you have no idea how sorry I am…”
We hugged as we wept under the winking sun.
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