Horseman 4: Aisosceles II

The last horseman, clomping down the last of the cardinal points

Doing the bidding of no man, ignoring the places where the Cardinal points

Mummifying men with a single stare – he possesses the eye of the cockatrice

Introductions are for mortals, yet I indulge – I. Am. @UluthriX


And so our tale begins

In the city of Lagos, city of the busy and the harassed

Oshodi is the geography specific

In the cradle of the commissioner – who was, and is not

The man wrote

Murder, he wrote.

Aisosceles, the young forensic psychologist, was awoken quite annoyingly this selfsame day. Swearing colorfully, and in six different local dialects, he opened the door to reveal a swarthy policeman. “Wetin happen again?” he asked, quite rudely.

“Murder,” said the policeman. “The commissioner has been killed.”

Aisosceles smiled.


The commissioner hath written in blood,

And now four men were with the cops

Suspected criminals – with unhelpful alibis

For they all lived alone, and could not account for their whereabouts

On the day the slain man was, well, slain.

“The commissioner was found dead in his home, with his face severely disfigured beyond recognition,” Swarthy said. Aisosceles nodded distractedly, for he wasn’t really listening. He stared at the commissioner’s body, and he smiled.

“Where is his mackintosh?” he asked.

“What mackintosh?” the bewildered policeman had a question for Aisosceles’ question.

All four men proclaimed innocence

Their artificially grey-haired attorneys formed a phalanx

And the baton carriers were kept at bay

They are innocent, Aisosceles said.

We are? Involuntary questions.

Yes, Aisosceles replied. You all are, that is, excepting one.

Caro Ada-Ada was the name of the commissioner’s handmaid, and it was she whom had caught Aisosceles’ eye. She fidgeted underneath his insectoid gaze, and she cast furtive glances at the door of the interrogation room.

“The commissioner, he was a good man, wasn’t he?”

She nodded jerkily.

“It is easy to see why you would empathize with him?”

“I don’t understand…what empathize means.”

Sure you don’t, thought Aisosceles as he pulled out a dictionary from underneath his agbada.

The commissioner is a lover of art, he observed.

Yes, gushed the gap-toothed servant. Yes.

Said he – Everything he owns is a masterpiece

Tell me now, how far with your master piss?

I comprehend not, the exasperated subservient sighed.

“Your master was a bed-wetter,” sighed Aisosceles. “I observed the faint rings on his old bed sheets. I expect that you changed the sheets yourself, seeing as we found his mackintosh in your room.”

“I don’t understand what this has to do with anything,” the handmaid said.

“Ah, come on. We know your master’s bed was freshly pissed in early this morning. Now, it leaves me confused: Do dead men take bathroom breaks even when they’re dead?”

Caro paled worse than an anemic albino.

Aisosceles smiled triumphantly. “Your phone, Miss? I want to make just one call.”

Simplicity in complexity is the mantra

Owing money, the commissioner needed to disappear

It was only a small matter to find a man of similar build

– And have him killed, his face mangled to prevent recognition

The people who needed to be bribed had been bribed

All of them, that was, except Aisosceles.

Only one person had the commissioner’s new number

And it was his girlfriend, Caro Ada-Ada




69 thoughts on “Horseman 4: Aisosceles II

  1. Hahaha…Bravo! Bravo! Crazy story man. Silly me,I actually had to read this twice to get it. Still don’t get how you guys think and write so creatively x_x But I also think you didn’t show us enough justifications for Aisosceles’ conclusions. They just seemed like magic uno? Now you see me tins…hehe


  2. Caro Ada-Ada,that shii got me. Didn’t seem like investigative work,more like ‘Voila,the oracle has shown us what happened’….still riveting piece,had me holding my piss in so as to finish it *dashes to the bathroom* I won’t bed wet,I am no Commissioner


    1. Ah. I must have failed to explain the train of the whole detective solution. I swear, there was on ‘oracular’ revelation oh. I can explain. And if you want to piss, piss in peace.


  3. LOL. Omo mehn. People can be so deceptive just to get out of trouble. This was awesome! You’ve glued the pieces of my heart Justin broke. ^_^
    I love the blend of poetry and dialogue, I’m afraid you’ll throw off the simple minds with that. I had to read it twice to totally understand. I like the length too- no boring details. People tend to prolong detective tales like this. *sigh
    I’m glad I was a part of this. I’m glad it was successful! ^_^


    1. I did what I could to remove many details. I get bored easily, and I was a little afraid that if I made it longer, people will lose interest halfway. Glad I was right.

      Thanks 🙂


  4. LMAOOOOOOO!!!! This is a MASTER PISS. Almost thought it was Justin’s. You both write alike. CARO Ada-Ada Has been BUSTED!!! (Lmao. why that name?). Uluthrcxshklkvcdssgggctiq, you’re good. Like MacDonald’s, I’m loving it!


    1. High praise from the chief priest himself. You know one secret? You are awesome, boss.

      Oh. It isn’t a secret? But I thought…you already know? Ah. I will shut up then 😦


  5. Looool…Big ups to the Writer, Nigerian”Hardley Chase”Do dead men take Bathroom breaks even when they are dead”…may the Master Soul Rest in piss(piece) sorry I meant *peace*


      1. *Sir VVF/HRH VVF. While we are still a young, struggling couple he’ll be the one financing me to finance you boo. But, don’t carry me catch cruise. Do you or do you not accept my love? 😥


  6. Intriguing. I loved the flawless blend of prose and poetry(if you would describe it as that).

    The four horsemen have been awesome so far. Kudos to y’all. My favorite was Justin’s. 😉 😉


  7. I have concluded that many of the comments here were posted by similarly minded people. While it is a good read, it’s not extraordinary and it certainly isn’t so hilarious. My comment would not have been so heavily worded but I feel the need to compensate for the overt flattery I see here. I hope you all will disappoint me and not go for my jugular. Uluthrix, you have talent but you have a lot of work to do. Bless


    1. LOL. Thanks. Thanks. I would have continued telling you thanks, but you stepped out of line so bad, I actually have to do/say/write/whatever this madam.

      Glad we agree on one thing: I have talent, and you admit to that. Saying I have a lot to do based on this post is where you crossed the line, ma. I suggest, personally (and with hopes that you do accept candidly) that you learn how to critique.

      People who say the post didn’t walk them through the unraveling, I understood, and I have taken notes to correct that.

      But your saying it wasn’t hilarious? If it wasn’t funny to you, does it make it any less funny to others? You say it wasn’t extraordinary, ok. I’ll bite. Still you couldn’t say exactly that anything was wrong with it, right? Good. I’ll take that then.

      Finally, Phebe: saying I have a lot of work to do based on a single post is totally flawed. You should see me when I am writing an actual post and not merely trying to build on another person’s antecedent.

      Bless you too.


  8. Looooool!!!
    Magic oooooooo!!!
    See ehn, Aisosceles is Ifa in human form in a civilized setting. The agbada, the afro, the speed at which the crime was solved, the dictionary represents the oracle beads. In short ehn, this is Ifa coming in form of a skinny Peter Fatomilola. The only thing needed to complete this modernized Yoruba movie is that Caro Ada-Ada begs for forgiveness or runs mad.
    But it is a good read. I like it.


  9. u guys are good. i mean G.O.O.D to the last letter of the word. keep if up y’all are going places. @justin, @uluthrix @duni.! didnt see d first horseman tho.!


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