[VUNDERKIND]: This is officially our first blog post in 2014.
[ULUTHRIX]: Damn. And it’s past valentine. That was a long break.
[VUNDERKIND]: Indeed, it was.
[ULUTHRIX]: So. Are we back in business?
[ULUTHRIX]: *sighs* I thought so. Anyway, why have you brought me here?
[VUNDERKIND]: I thought you’d never ask. We’re going to do a showcase.
[ULUTHRIX]: Go on…
[VUNDERKIND]: This here’s Mr. Godwin. You should know him. His handle on Twitter is @gawdwyn. He’s – wait for it – an industrious person.
[ULUTHRIX]: He invented beer?
[VUNDERKIND]: Even better. He will advertise your business for you, using creatively designed video animations.
[ULUTHRIX]: Damn, animators. Expensive lot. I know someone who told me he would run an ad for my business for N60,000. And it was just a one minute ad laasan. One minute, guy.
[VUNDERKIND]: Wait. You have a business?
[ULUTHRIX]: Your surprise speaks of the years of condescension you have put me through. I feel like Lupita Nyong’o, but a little finer.
[VUNDERKIND]: And more light-skinned.
[ULUTHRIX]: That, too. So, you were saying? About the animation? How expensive is it?
[VUNDERKIND]: That’s the awesomeness of this business guy person called @gawdwyn. For just a fiver (that’s $5 dollars), this guy will run a powerful, compelling ad to make your business heard in the sea of businesses out there.
[ULUTHRIX]: In other words, in the sea of businesses, your business will see customers. It will sea men.
[VUNDERKIND]: People will come quick.
[ULUTHRIX]: All it takes is a prick…from his video advertising.
[ULUTHRIX]: You are just useless.
[VUNDERKIND]: So. For just five dollars (less than a thousand naira, bruv) you can have your own professional, riveting animation video. It can come with infographics detailing your business’ growth and sales projection, tell the story of your business, give your customers a reason to stay –
[ULUTHRIX]: I want you to stayyyyyyyy –
[VUNDERKIND]: Have you no shame?
[ULUTHRIX]: Exactly what I ask Mikky Ekko whenever that song comes on.
[VUNDERKIND]: AS I WAS SAYING! You can watch the video we have been kind enough to attach here. If you’re convinced enough, hit Mr. Godwin on twitter (www.twitter.com/gawdwyn) and let a niggah hold five dollars. Five dollars, and you have your own customized video. What deal is sweeter than that?
[ULUTHRIX]: None whatsoever.
[VUNDERKIND]: My thoughts exactly. So, viewers/readers, you’re welcome. Go make your video and make your business prosper. This blog is returning to hibernation.
[ULUTHRIX]: But what exactly was Mikky Ekko thinking?