**From the infuriating pages of Uluthrix’s notepad comes this one. True to its name, I was befuddled. Enjoy**
Mastermind: UluthriX
Domain: Properly hidden
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BEFUDDLEMENT, GOOD SIRE
Frank was a leprechaun
From the house of Delphi
He didn’t like being preyed upon
So he gave up Fifi
Now Fifi was Frank’s main squeeze
A cute little fairy
No man near her would dare sneeze
He’d be giddy and feel airy
Now, here is the twist
There has to be a witch in a fairy tale
She had never been kissed
Her ugliness was to a scary scale
Fifi had the greatest boobs
Pointy and quite a sight when they shake
She caused an increase in the price of lubes
Waidaminit – the writer needs a bathroom break
Ah, I return to my tale
Ignore the smear on my pants
I had you in a regale
Without resorting to bants
Mackie was a dragon
And he was depressed as a pressed depression
See, the popular tradition
Had it that dragons were famous for much conflagration
But Mackie was a chain smoker
Don’t judge him; he never liked the sticks
He hadn’t perfected his face of poker
So it was easy to see it made him sick
Mackie had no fire
He wanted to be a poet
He burned to be a poet
But he could not breathe fire
Fifi awoke one terrible morning
After a night at Frank’s bed
After a night of suspicious moaning
To discover she had a beard
Of course, she fled
Frank had a whisker allergy
She blushed red
When someone called her Sir Hillary
The witch cackled and stared at her hairless pudenda
She reveled in her depraved magick
Fifi had a beard crafted from the witch’s parts under
Shorn from places pelvic
Frank didst wander in search of Fifi
But his heart was not in it
For a stack of gold needed to be hidden
A leprechaun’s job, wasn’t it?
Mackie passed his WAEC that year
He was in ecstasy
Still his parents gave no fucks that year
They ruined his fantasy
So he sat at his station and wrote
And smoked
And choked
Oh, the bloke choked
Mackie died without fire
Though he had the fire to be a poet
He died clutching his cigarette lighter
Ironic, he burned to death
Fifi became a man
Thanks to Dr. nine-oh-two-one-oh
She has two knobby bits
And the flexible long pole
Frank threw himself into his work
Burying gold everywhere he went
He never thought about Fifi, that girl from work
He worked until he was spent
And as for the witch, what became of her?
Why did she damn Fifi so?
That I cannot explain, aha
There are things we cannot know
The witch, ugly thing that she is
Stands naked in the rain
My new beard is itchy, it is
And her pudenda is bald again
Respect to whoever penned this. It held my attn from the first word to the last, which only happens when I’m intrigued. And then of course, the fifi, mickie and witchie xters.
Just one question though: would you call this poetry or prose? Cos it had the arrangement of a poem, and was rhythmic at some intersections, buh it mostly felt like a folklore.
That kinda added to the intrigue sha.
Big erect thumb for you!
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Thanks for your kind words, sir. Thank you.
To answer the question: I never understood what poetry was and what prose is supposed to be, so I guess what I did here is quasipoetry.
Ha. Nice one. Quasipoetry. *scribbles*
And…”big erect thumb?”??? O_O No thanks. Let us just do handshakes, okay?
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Oh wow. I loved it. Kept me hooked from the very first rhyme. Nice work. :’)
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Prove the sincerity of your praise: will you go on a date with me?
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Thanks for your kind words, sir. Thank you.
To answer the question: I never understood what poetry was and what prose is supposed to be, so I guess what I did here is quasipoetry.
Ha. Nice one. Quasipoetry. *scribbles*
And…”big erect thumb?”??? O_O No thanks. Let us just do handshakes, okay?
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quasipoetry… hmmm… cool
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Lol
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Didn’t get the sci-fi theme intended, if it ever was. But I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I’m a sucker for rhymes so the way this one was crafted really had me in awe. Great piece, brother.
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From what Vunderkind told me, the theme is bipartite: scifi and fantasy. I believe what I wrote meets the fantasy cut. And thanks for your kind words, sir…
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I especially like the way you played around with words. Could see you had fun writing this. Arigatou
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I looked up your blog, sir. Coming from an awesome poet as yourself, I must say my future don’t look so bleak anymore….
Thanks!
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Check your twitter sir.
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Fun with words. Fun with rhymes. Beautiful.
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I am exhilarated, Mr. Jeremy…
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Oh! This is nice. I likey 🙂
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I like you too.
That is just an aside, of course… (._.)
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LOOOL! Hilarious this! Smh..smh..that’s no fairytale witch, that’s VOODOO! Juju! LOL..respect your quasi-poetry
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I respect witches mehn…all those hours of night jacking spent cackling over a black pot…respect mahn…
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Very awesome work. I bet this took so many minutes of the clock. LOOL, if my guess is right.. You are Fifi. Right?
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I am Fifi…? Jesus. How was I to know? LOL. My beard still itches, though 😀
And the quasipoem didn’t take me much time, really. I guess I was done in under an hour.
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I was eating when I read this. I was eating.
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Disclaimer: All pudendas used in the making of this quasipoem were properly sterilized and disinfected.
You can eat now. Everything is healthy
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awwwwww..one simple story-like, um, quasipoem? I enjoyed the flow. Good one, mahn.
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Thanks.
What is a Moolikat? Can I eat it?
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Hmmm even the name ‘Uluthrix’ sounds like an omnidroid’s. LOL Beautiful piece!!!
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Bros, wetin be omnidroid? Na dis kain thing I no dey like…
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The grammar was well tuned for ‘blondes’ like me. And yes, you got the ‘fantasy cut’ while you got it real, *science is hardly realistic(˘̯˘ )* I likey. This is definitely my type of quasi-poetry(my 1st actually, since the word quasipoetry didn’t exist until now) Err…is “the flexible long pole” what I think it is?
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Believe me, Do_tune. UluthriX is a perv. That is definitely what it means.
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