HNIC Buffdae MixTape – Volturi_Lord

by Vunderkind

 HOV (That’s Jay-Z to you non-MCHG lovers) : [#mylaugh] Yo, Timberland, hook me up with something to get the system revved up

[Timberland gets to work on making a high-octane beat]

**Twenty minutes later**

[Beat is pounding furiously, and HOV LIL WAYNERICK ROSSEMINEM and MI ABAGA are nodding lizardly. Well, it is Timberland afterall]

[MI ABAGA: (thinking) Omo, these oyibo pipo dey try for beat sha… (<_<)]

EMINEM: Well, lemme give the intro and the lot of y’all will come on and start your verses

LIL WAYNE: Naw. Naw, niggah, naw. You’ll be going all emo and shit. Let Rozay do it. He gots grunts and stuff.

HOV : But I have [#mylaugh]

RICK ROSS: Makes you sound like a shy pompous prick.

HOV : Good point.

MI ABAGA: Guys, guys, guys. I’m good with intros in Nigeria. Lemme do it.



**Beat starts**

RICK ROSS: (hunh)…Maybach Music, YMCMB, Rockahoes’ n’ Rockafellas, Gat Slim Shady and The Short Black Boy…reppin’ Choc City…put the beat on a hover pattern, no pun intended, cos HOV ’s bout to crash that plane…


Definitely mami, we’re outchea, it’s H. O.

Luggage in Miami, we’ve got suites in Tokyo

My watch’s so rare the maker ate steak for years

Look how far we’ve come – I intimidate my peers

One million, twenty million – shit I’m tired of counting

So many on my payroll, lots of ‘em accountants

Young Carter’s in kindergarten

Momma backstage sewing mittens

And right here we’re celebrating

A niggah’s birthday – it’s July ten!

[Special effects, drum roll, tempo jumps, peaks, and drops]




Bitches please clear the room,

Niggahs bouta get nasty

We getting high on weed and ‘shroom

Poppin’ bottles to Volturi’s dynasty

Hate, you die nasty

He’s getting’ stronger, y’all Wayning

Get it? Waning… (annoying Wayne chuckle)

Young Mulla baby

Niggah it’s you birthday

And you know we don’t even care

There’s no 50 Cent in here

Buh go, Niggah, it’s your birthday

[Rozay and EMINEM having a convo: Shit, I can’t believe Lil Weezy didn’t mention pu**ssy]

Ahem, that reminds me….



Pu**y Pu**sy Pu**y

I rhyme pu**y with pu**sy

And also with Tunechi –

[EMINEM yanks the Mike and pulls back his hood]



Don’t think for a minute that I came to kiss ass  – ‘cos I’m way gifted and lifted like elevators to a stairwell but oh well I hold a joint so well take a drag and puff pass!

I swore I wouldn’t do drugs for the benefit of those who loved me, but fuck you if you think I’m clear-headed enough to be fucked with- you wanna start a brawl with me?

I swear the game is a suck up, pullin’out titties to a willing customer, but I’m the patron at the back of her, fuckin’ her and I take long to come in her so y’all pussies best wait your turn

In time you’ll learn  that the fire that burns was something I learned while poring over dead books in the attic whil momma was being a loony bitch and simply crazy as shit.

Shit-faced niggah, is what they called me, not minding that I wasn’t black nor the fact that I spent most a my life constipated and hung up on the jargon of life –

Fuck this, I’m out, bitch!

[MI ABAGA scratches head, confused. No be DankarO birthday we dey rap for that year?]




We ridin’crazy, funny millionaires

Volturi’s blazing, young millionaire

Gold champagne, and we don’t even care

I paid you niggah’s bitches – to shave my pubic hair


Naijadude, so cocky and proud

But he’s got the talent, so I guess it’s allowed


Ballin’ from Nigeria to Harlem

Happy birthday niggah, and that’s the anthem…

[Timberland jerks the beat up a notch, and the tempo jumps…]

[MI ABAGA does his legendary cough]

HOV EMINEM and LIL WAYNE: You got TB or something?

MI ABAGA: (<_<) Nah, I’m good.

[MI ABAGA dons headset]



Yo, niggah Volturi

Bawse of the 21st Century

Your swag and panache hittin’ up blocks and stocks rock up to crescendos cos we aliens to the term penury

So yours truly

Still the short black boy, with a swag truly unruly

Final year in the year of the fear of the greatest

And I heard that the dears of the heirs consider it grotesque





Pop a bottle, pop it loud

Jam up the streets ma niggah it’s allowed

‘Cos even God be smilin’ like ‘that’s my son and I’m so Proud’!

In a nutshell

I wish you well

Your swag stay constant, never change like Celtel

And we bring hell

For any bugger who wanna raise hell

Happy birthday ma niggah

God has made you bigger

Happy Birthday, mahn. You are a friend, one I have come to acquire through the weirdest of coincidences. DankarO ShintO, Volturi_Lord, the Head Niggah in Charge (HNIC), NaijaDude, I wish you awesome things that should ordinarily happen to the Vunderkind – but hey, I’m generous today. Have a blast, bruv.

[Meanwhile, sources confirm that somewhere in America, Miley Cyrus is still twerking]

Twerk it, MileyMiley, twerk..