HOV (That’s Jay-Z to you non-MCHG lovers) : [#mylaugh] Yo, Timberland, hook me up with something to get the system revved up
[Timberland gets to work on making a high-octane beat]
**Twenty minutes later**
[Beat is pounding furiously, and HOV , LIL WAYNE, RICK ROSS, EMINEM and MI ABAGA are nodding lizardly. Well, it is Timberland afterall]
[MI ABAGA: (thinking) Omo, these oyibo pipo dey try for beat sha… (<_<)]
EMINEM: Well, lemme give the intro and the lot of y’all will come on and start your verses
LIL WAYNE: Naw. Naw, niggah, naw. You’ll be going all emo and shit. Let Rozay do it. He gots grunts and stuff.
HOV : But I have [#mylaugh]
RICK ROSS: Makes you sound like a shy pompous prick.
HOV : Good point.
MI ABAGA: Guys, guys, guys. I’m good with intros in Nigeria. Lemme do it.
EMINEM, HOV , LIL WAYNE and RICK ROSS: (<_<)
MI ABAGA: Aii.
RICK ROSS: (hunh)…Maybach Music, YMCMB, Rockahoes’ n’ Rockafellas, Gat Slim Shady and The Short Black Boy…reppin’ Choc City…put the beat on a hover pattern, no pun intended, cos HOV ’s bout to crash that plane…
Definitely mami, we’re outchea, it’s H. O.
Luggage in Miami, we’ve got suites in Tokyo
My watch’s so rare the maker ate steak for years
Look how far we’ve come – I intimidate my peers
One million, twenty million – shit I’m tired of counting
So many on my payroll, lots of ‘em accountants
Young Carter’s in kindergarten
Momma backstage sewing mittens
And right here we’re celebrating
A niggah’s birthday – it’s July ten!
[Special effects, drum roll, tempo jumps, peaks, and drops]
Bitches please clear the room,
Niggahs bouta get nasty
We getting high on weed and ‘shroom
Poppin’ bottles to Volturi’s dynasty
Hate, you die nasty
He’s getting’ stronger, y’all Wayning
Get it? Waning… (annoying Wayne chuckle)
Young Mulla baby
Niggah it’s you birthday
And you know we don’t even care
There’s no 50 Cent in here
Buh go, Niggah, it’s your birthday
[Rozay and EMINEM having a convo: Shit, I can’t believe Lil Weezy didn’t mention pu**ssy]
Ahem, that reminds me….
Pu**y Pu**sy Pu**y
I rhyme pu**y with pu**sy
And also with Tunechi –
[EMINEM yanks the Mike and pulls back his hood]
Don’t think for a minute that I came to kiss ass – ‘cos I’m way gifted and lifted like elevators to a stairwell but oh well I hold a joint so well take a drag and puff pass!
I swore I wouldn’t do drugs for the benefit of those who loved me, but fuck you if you think I’m clear-headed enough to be fucked with- you wanna start a brawl with me?
I swear the game is a suck up, pullin’out titties to a willing customer, but I’m the patron at the back of her, fuckin’ her and I take long to come in her so y’all pussies best wait your turn
In time you’ll learn that the fire that burns was something I learned while poring over dead books in the attic whil momma was being a loony bitch and simply crazy as shit.
Shit-faced niggah, is what they called me, not minding that I wasn’t black nor the fact that I spent most a my life constipated and hung up on the jargon of life –
Fuck this, I’m out, bitch!
[MI ABAGA scratches head, confused. No be DankarO birthday we dey rap for that year?]
We ridin’crazy, funny millionaires
Volturi’s blazing, young millionaire
Gold champagne, and we don’t even care
I paid you niggah’s bitches – to shave my pubic hair
Naijadude, so cocky and proud
But he’s got the talent, so I guess it’s allowed
Ballin’ from Nigeria to Harlem
Happy birthday niggah, and that’s the anthem…
[Timberland jerks the beat up a notch, and the tempo jumps…]
[MI ABAGA does his legendary cough]
HOV , EMINEM and LIL WAYNE: You got TB or something?
MI ABAGA: (<_<) Nah, I’m good.
[MI ABAGA dons headset]
Yo, niggah Volturi
Bawse of the 21st Century
Your swag and panache hittin’ up blocks and stocks rock up to crescendos cos we aliens to the term penury
So yours truly
Still the short black boy, with a swag truly unruly
Final year in the year of the fear of the greatest
And I heard that the dears of the heirs consider it grotesque
Pop a bottle, pop it loud
Jam up the streets ma niggah it’s allowed
‘Cos even God be smilin’ like ‘that’s my son and I’m so Proud’!
In a nutshell
I wish you well
Your swag stay constant, never change like Celtel
And we bring hell
For any bugger who wanna raise hell
Happy birthday ma niggah
God has made you bigger
Happy Birthday, mahn. You are a friend, one I have come to acquire through the weirdest of coincidences. DankarO ShintO, Volturi_Lord, the Head Niggah in Charge (HNIC), NaijaDude, I wish you awesome things that should ordinarily happen to the Vunderkind – but hey, I’m generous today. Have a blast, bruv.
[Meanwhile, sources confirm that somewhere in America, Miley Cyrus is still twerking]
Twerk it, MileyMiley, twerk..